I used to compete solely in order to prove my worth. I derived all my value based on the result of my success or failure. In a competition, everyone loses something. What I mean is: whenever you are in a competition you are using up valuable assets. You are fighting for something of value, but the struggle is sure to incur a heavy toll on everyone’s precious resources. How did this apply to me?
- I felt proud and loved because I was receiving (in reality taking) from everyone else.
- I felt unloved, worthless, and I remember an all too familiar agony that accompanied this loss, absorbing everything I had put in and leaving me as a dried up sponge.
I think I understand better why I no longer truly have that “killer instinct” that led me to succeed at all costs in order to survive in a competition. Thankfully, my agony is being redeemed into something greater – love, or agapé. I’m beginning to realize how much more powerful agapé is. I still don’t fully understand the concept. But it’s this contrast between a fear of losing resources (agony) and a giving of resources (love).
Especially in the context of competition, the ability to give resources is far better than the ability to fear the loss of resources. In fact, they may be mutually exclusive. For example, the ability to love myself or my enemy will give me complete mastery. Complete mastery of myself. Complete mastery of my enemy. Meanwhile, the ability to fear doesn’t really give you mastery of anything. It kind of just paralyzes you. I’m not really sure how else to explain the concept. If I’m able to love myself and give away my precious resources, I can easily overcome any enemy who only fears losing his constantly decreasing resources. I can tap into my vast array and utilize all of mine. Meanwhile, any enemy will be inflexible and fixed on only one strategy: receiving resources. And that’s all they can do. In a competition, you need to be able to use your resources. That’s the whole concept. How are you going to compete against someone who has the power to give themselves resources when you yourself only takes them but never uses them?
The ability to love is what is important. Love yourself and you can go up versus anything again. In the future I want to learn how to show others how to love themselves because people loved me and showed me how to do so. For myself, this is how I’ll be able to overcome any competition.