quotes

Eldest

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“Live in the present, remember the past, and fear not the future, for it doesn’t exist and never shall. There is only now.”

Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

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New year
Problems
Writing
Curiosity
Winning
Inchworm
Imagine
Weird
History
Compromise

It’s A Magical World

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Challenge
Life 1.0
Life 2.0
Life 3.0
Humans
Routine
Man of few words
Conversation
Happiness
Dad 1.0
Dad 2.0
Dad 3.0
Honesty
Jack of all trades
Phone calls
The struggle
Doing nothing

Reconciliation

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I don’t really like when people try to use you as evidence and context to support their argument without at least an attempt at reconciliation beforehand. It kind of feels like betrayal when they take your story to tell and try to publish it as something different, or worse, the opposite. While it doesn’t necessarily change my feelings or relationship, I feel more comfortable when my plans do not reconcile with theirs.

There’s no bad blood on my end but I predict they will assume I do have some. And that’s where they will be blinded by their emotion. Cold-blooded, heartless, cut-throat. I’m sorry but it’s my duty in a competition and I will get the job done. How do people expect to hurt you, much less know where to attack, when they’re not willing to take the time to reconcile, understand, and know/love you? I’ll play along with their story. I feel a little bit of pain to be part of the process to build up their stronghold and then tear the completed structure, in all its beauty, to the ground when it’s time to do so. Pick it apart piece by piece and dissect every last glimmer of hope. I still don’t think they’ll see or understand when it’s finished. Especially when there’s no effort at a reconciliation, I’ll make sure the end result reconciles with my story. In a competition, it’s the only reconciliation I know.

Reflections

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Usually before you decide to go somewhere for an extended period of time you want some kind of idea of what it will be like. It’s scouting ahead and making sure stuff is real. You’ll be able to see the things you like, point out the things you don’t like, and experience the possibilities that exist.

As you walk on a sunny day alongside buildings with shiny, transparent window walls you might glimpse an entire spectrum of images. One of the first images you probably notice is your reflection. It’s staring back at you and you can’t really control it separately. What I mean is, your reflection will continue to mimic all of your future actions. It obviously shows you what you’re currently doing. But you can’t freeze time and make your reflection do something else. Take a step forward, it will take a step forward. Take a step back, it will take a step back. You can’t really change your reflection either. You might wish it had looked a certain way by now. You could imagine what it would be like if you had done certain things in the past. But it remains the same. You can try to distort your reflection by going up and smudging the clear glass. You can hide one section of the building and block it off from your view with a large opaque wall. You could also look away and pretend it’s not there. That way it won’t look at you either. Right?

As I reflect, I realize there is a second image. I focus my gaze inside my chosen building. Let’s just say there are a bunch of things I want inside there. And I mean, I’ve seen the other buildings. Some of them don’t even have windows. Others have small windows. A couple have similar windows as my building. But.. they are different. First of all, it’s freaking scary because my reflections are doing something different when I look at the other buildings. They’re all pointing and looking towards my building. Second, they’ve got automatic, motion detector doors. I could just walk right in and sit myself down. But I don’t think I’d want to live there. Lastly, the important difference about the other buildings. I’m not able to focus on the second image. All that’s in focus is my reflection.

Oops. I need to re-focus.

The Days Are Just Packed

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Thoughts

Ambition

Life Goes On

Smock

Selective

Denial

Zugzwang

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There’s a term used in chess to describe a situation in which the player will regret any move they make because of the position it will put them in. It’s a tough situation because the decision-making process is focused on finding the move resulting in a better position despite the fact that each position is undesirable. If only you could take-back the moves that led up to this, because now you concretely realize the moves you wanted to make. And it doesn’t really help when you keep thinking about how the position would be so much better had you decided on the other variation. Alas, the game must progress and a move must be made unless you want to sit there and think in misery until time runs out.

I think the most annoying thing is the loss of tempos. I feel regret over wasted opportunities and I’m starting in the exact position that I was already in before. It’s like I wasted a bunch of moves and time. And then there’s also the irony and the paradoxes floating around in my mind. On one hand, I wouldn’t be in this situation if I hadn’t blindly followed some opening someone suggested to use; I’d be better off if I took the time to understand the theory behind it, or if I paved the foundation for my own journey. On the other hand, I want to be in this situation because it confirms the intuition I had beforehand; I learned so much and gained experience I wouldn’t have without it, and I’d have it no other way.

Against all odds, when things seem stacked against you, in bleak situations. People will say you can’t do something, they’ll think they have you trapped and in zugzwang, and expect you to resign. Search for the context and find your move. It’s almost your turn. Be prepared.

Regret, Nostalgia, Wisdom, Thoughts, …., Memories.

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Calvin and Hobbes
Random Top 10 (no particular order)

*ctrl + scroll for magnification*

    1. Memories
    2. Change
    3. Enjoy the Moment
    4. Ignorance is Bliss
    5. I can do all things
    6. Infinity
    7. Action
    8. Happiness
    9. Life
    10. Death and Mysteries