there is only one found worthy.



It’s some type of animal. I couldn’t really think of anything to say beyond that and I’m too lazy to do so. I guess that shows my disdain. I’m not really comfortable with the cruder term as a title.

There’s a term used in poker to describe a bad player. Back in the days when I was fascinated by the game, I specifically remember a friend crying out, “What a donk!” This was usually a venting of frustration and anger that occurred when a “player” (read: bad player who has no clue of how to play properly) actually ended up winning the hand. Of course, these types of situations are known as a bad beat to the stronger player. And as if these bad players aren’t frustrating enough, the most appalling thing to ever occur is when they act proud of it. Actually, they don’t even need to be proud. If they don’t understand the amount of anguish they cause, if they offer no remorse for their senseless and reckless acts, they are the epitome of disregard for other players and the game.

The situation I imagined assumes both players have showed their hands to each other already. After all, you can’t bluff a hand when your cards are face up on the table. My question involves a hand that’s not over yet. How do you bet when you know that there are a lot of “donks” out there? Pre-flop, post-flop, the turn, the river. All of these require a decision to be made. Sometimes a donkey can make you question if you know what you’re doing. I have a story. Hopefully someone will be able to read it.

The Days Are Just Packed




Life Goes On






> mongo
> show dbs
> use world
> show collections
> db.USA.aggregate([{“$group”:{“_id”:{“state”:”$state”},”num_cynics”:{$sum:”$cynics”}}}])


Theme – Honestly


Honestly. The word that I’ve noticed many people, myself included, use to preface a revelation of some sort. It kind of gives off this vibe that perhaps part of the truth was obscured or hidden. It prepares the listener to perk up their ears because what is coming next is not fake. It is real. It is genuine.
Another theme is showing up. So today an old friend contacted me. One of my closer friends from high school and possibly going through a similar situation as me. Nothing is set in stone but the mere chance of a reunion sends my thoughts into overdrive. So many coincidences I want to make sense of. Exciting, intriguing, interesting. Honestly, it’s a small world.



There’s a term used in chess to describe a situation in which the player will regret any move they make because of the position it will put them in. It’s a tough situation because the decision-making process is focused on finding the move resulting in a better position despite the fact that each position is undesirable. If only you could take-back the moves that led up to this, because now you concretely realize the moves you wanted to make. And it doesn’t really help when you keep thinking about how the position would be so much better had you decided on the other variation. Alas, the game must progress and a move must be made unless you want to sit there and think in misery until time runs out.

I think the most annoying thing is the loss of tempos. I feel regret over wasted opportunities and I’m starting in the exact position that I was already in before. It’s like I wasted a bunch of moves and time. And then there’s also the irony and the paradoxes floating around in my mind. On one hand, I wouldn’t be in this situation if I hadn’t blindly followed some opening someone suggested to use; I’d be better off if I took the time to understand the theory behind it, or if I paved the foundation for my own journey. On the other hand, I want to be in this situation because it confirms the intuition I had beforehand; I learned so much and gained experience I wouldn’t have without it, and I’d have it no other way.

Against all odds, when things seem stacked against you, in bleak situations. People will say you can’t do something, they’ll think they have you trapped and in zugzwang, and expect you to resign. Search for the context and find your move. It’s almost your turn. Be prepared.



A fortress is typically built when a town needs protection. It’s a stronghold, an impenetrable system designed around the town. It’s seemingly flawless after construction, a beacon of strength and power that deters approaching enemies. The leader of the town foresaw the coming war and properly prepared for the battle. It was well designed and a perfect solution to the problem.

Except, now we have more problems. A lot of them. The war is over. The town has grown into a city. The people in the city have no more use for their weapons and hoarding of supplies. The city needs to build roads to provide a way to trade with other cities. The city needs to send resources to protect other cities. The city needs to do a lot of things. Apparently, a fortress is not a good design for a city.

Writer’s Block


Time is ticking down.
Something’s coming up and I can’t even



Alright. What gives. Let me go contemplate: what is life? Why is life? Nothing makes sense. The series of unfortunate events.

This is some next level prank show stuff. Someone set me up.

Case 1: Looking at some photos on facebook. I see a very familiar location. I start to think about the people there. Friend texts me. Guess where he is? Why?
Case 2: Go back to preparation for next week. I start to think about where I’ll get the equipment I need if I can’t borrow from my sister. Guess who texts me this time? Why?
Case 3: Decide to take a break by playing a game. Friend texts me about playing. At this point I’m clueless. Guess what I ask myself? Why?
Case 4: So I realize I’m not getting any work done. I can probably get it done Sunday though. Nope. Friend texts me to say he’s going to be late on Sunday. I remember what I’m doing. Why?
Case 5: This is hopefully the last one. I’m certainly not going to be surprised after this one anyways. So there used to be a guy named Phil in my class but he dropped at the beginning of the semester. What happened is some other guy named Phil texts me. He knows my name. But he’s asking for the homework due tonight. I have no homework tonight. Turns out he’s in some pre-cal class. I’m not in a pre-cal class. I say, “I think you have the wrong number”, because at this point, I’m not sure if he has the wrong number, I’m not sure if this is the same Phil that I met a while ago, and I’m now questioning if I’m in a pre-cal class,. I wouldn’t be surprised though if it shows up on my transcript. Why?

Never mind, I don’t want to think about things that could possibly surprise me now. Why? The answer is easy. The answer is also not easy. At the same time. I have no more words. I’m done.



There are some things in which preparation will not help. I can map out the process, steps, and every detail about something. I can summarize it quickly and I can also summarize it thoroughly. I can illustrate the pros and cons. I can explain my reasoning and persuade someone that my plan works. I’ll gladly field any questions. Easy. But the thing is, when it comes time to actually use this plan, there’s a possibility it might be thrown out the window.

I never really trusted feelings. I can only imagine, based on how often I’m even skeptical of logic, how little I think of feelings. However, I’ve become more comfortable making decisions by feelings. I appreciate them more and more. Why? Sorry, I don’t have to answer that question anymore. Or at least I don’t know how to answer that question. How am I going to rationalize a feeling? It’s there. I don’t really understand why. Maybe this helps me understand. But not really.

I’m learning to enjoy plans and actions with feelings. Or maybe I’m becoming too lazy to sift through logic. Let someone else do that. Feelings are contagious. They spread quickly. No need to explain. Act. People can somewhat understand your plan after action. I’ve got plenty of reasoning and logic if I need it. But I don’t feel like they’re the foundation for this plan. Why?



Dear friend,

I’m starting to get worried I might not be able to see you this time. Maybe I’m impatient but I’d like to hear from you very soon. What’s a coincidence? I don’t want any maybes. I’d like to cross paths again. The only maybes I want: maybe we’ll talk, maybe we won’t. Maybe we’ll celebrate, maybe we won’t. It’s up to you. Let’s spend time, however short or long. I want a part in this. I’m not saving anything for the swim back. I have plenty, however, to learn how to swim alongside you.

Is the water deep? I’ll hold my breath.
Is the water shallow? I’ll wade through it.

When the light shines I’ll be searching.